Sunday, March 11, 2012

An Open Letter to Scott Pioli from Manning (the Ship).

Dear Mr. Pioli

You don’t me.
But as I understand you’re some sort of a strange little paranoid man. 

That’s cool.

Judgment-free zone Scott, carry on and be as Weirdo McWeirderstein as you need to be.

And in the meantime sack up.

This damn town needs you.
I need you.
Peyton needs you.
I need Peyton. Wait. What?

Here’s the thing about Kansas City Scotty. This town’s got a serious self-esteem problem. It’s like the nice guy who consistently misses out on the right girl because he doesn’t understand how to be nice without being a complete pushover.

Scott, I’m begging you. Look around! Do you EVEN know what you see in the eyes of the fine citizens of this town, in the eye’s of fans of this team?

You see a subtle flatness, Scott.

That’s right flatness.

It’s not unhappy. It’s not even discontent. But it’s flat.

It says, “ Yeah. It’s a nice town. It’s a good place to raise a family. Well I came back when it was time to grow up.”

And you know what you don’t see?

You don’t see the quiet confidence of the original mob town, wild west, bad ass mutha chuckin’ Missouri crazy, Scott. You just don’t see it.

And you know what that means Kim Jong Piloi?

It’s your time to shine little buddy.

This middle-aged crisis town and team is either going to buy a Corvette or start sleeping with some young bimbo who'll ruin the whole thing. 

Looking at to you Tim Tebow.
I digress...

Look Jam Master P, You got a reputation in this town. And between you, me and the listening devices you’ve got all over Todd Haley’s hot self, it ain’t a good one.  

No one does crazy quite like you Scott, so let’s see it. 

Show us your bat shit and get this Manning thing done.

It’s time to say goodbye to East Cost paranoid secret society conspiracy bullshit white collar asshole and reinvent, remerge old school KC bad ass old money mob boss go for broke on this whole fucking thing.

You get who you need to get in a plane.
You get them here.
You make them an offer they can’t refuse.

And you proclaim, for you, 
The Chief’s, 
The City and the entire god damn world that Kansas City’s back. 
And we're not fucking around this time.

Mr. Pioli. I need a man who has powerful friends. 

I need at least fifty million dollars in cash. 

I need, you Pioli, all of those politicians that you carry around in your pocket, like so many nickels and dimes. 

Because Peyton Manning needs this town and this town needs Peyton Manning.

You’re excused.

The Manning Family

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