Friday, December 31, 2010

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot?

I get it.

Clearly this was NOT the year to attempt to draw some lyrical methaphor between my life and the Vikings season.

My bad.

But part of being a grown up means making choices, and sticking by them.

Right Brett?


Anyway. In a season that featured such hits as, Brett's Sext "Regrets" (Get it? Sterger backward is regrets. Yeah, you're going to have to get up REAL early to keep up with me folks.), Moss, Chilly, the Dome collapsing, Tuesday night game against Vick...well, in a season with all those headlines and so many things to be upset about I've decided to make the best of it.

Instead of ranting about all that went wrong I am going to take a few minutes to think about all the things that went right. Or, at least all the little gems that kept me laughing long enough to stop crying once in awhile.

Top Ten Things that Made me Laugh During the 2010 Vikings Season:

10. Lil' Fav...wait, I'm better than that. Never mind.
  9. Collingsworth calling Joe Webb, "A hot young quarterback". On national television. On a Tuesday. In primetime.
  8. The fact we kept letting Berrian play.
  7. F it. Who am I kidding? I'm so NOT better than this - Lil' Favre. Laughed my ass off at that shit. Wow.
  6. Hank Baskett
  5. When Cuddles got sacked 9 times before half against the Giants. (Look. I get it. It wasn't a Vikings game. I can't help that. It was hysterical.)
  4. People who blame Favre for the horrid season.
  3. When Brett Favre rode on to the field upon a Unicorn and went on to pass for 854 yards and 11 touchdowns. (Oh don't worry. That happens Sunday. You'll see.)
  2. When we couldn't sign VJax

And now. Without further ado...The #1 thing that made me laugh this season:

  1. The fact that sitting here today - I still 100% with every ounce of my soul believe next year. Yup. Next year - that's ours -- Super Bowl baby -- 2011 Season is going to be GIGANTIC. Mark my words.

So we had a bad year. Today is, as Taylor Swift would say, the end of a decade but the start of an age, so what do you say America? Let's jump on that hot young quarterback and see where the ride takes us!

So to speak.

                                     Game on Indy. Game on. A new Manning's Coming to Town.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Come and Behold Them.

Tonight, just hours in front of the only total lunar eclipse of the year, in air so cold it will only be described as brittle,

– under the lights of Total Cluster F*ck (TCF) Stadium, the shamefully dilapidated Minnesota Vikings, struggling for the slightest hint of raison d’ĂȘtre...

A team whose season has been lost not only to a woman whose last name spelled backward is Regrets, but also to an egomaniacal sociopath former, back and then gone again wide receiver, and then there was that Mr. Magoo/Mr. Myagi guru or gork of a head coach.

Oh and a team whose stadium collapsed...

During a storm so big that it delayed a game which was moved inside to be played in Detroit free to a crowd of homeless people who had nothing better to do…

Tonight those Minnesota Vikings are set to play host to a post-modern production of a Mid Winter Night’s Dream against the we’re so awesome we’re barely able to keep atop the Division that is at best laughable, ohvur RATED doesn’t even begin to describe it - Chicago Bears.

Monday Night with snow and below zero temps outside in Minneapolis, in a game that win or lose puts a little spoil into the playoff dreams of either the Packers or the Bears?

Absolutely I would pay big league prices to maybe get a seat in a bush league college stadium without booze to watch that.

Throw in a little Joe Webb manning the ship, so to speak…

Well if I didn’t have to work.

In a different city.

I’d hit that. The game I mean.

Not the point.

The point is, I guess I’ll have to sit on my couch under a warm blanket with all the free-flowing booze I want to watch.

Still not the point.
The point is – you should watch it too.

You see tonight's game, more than any other game in a decade, ushers in a new age of Viking football.

Tune in fans. Tune in cynics. Because you’re going to see the real heart and soul of this team, this organization and the very future fate of Viking football in Minnesota.

This is a team in shambles. 

This is a team both literally and figuratively
with nothing left to lose.

When love of the game
is all you’ve got left – it’s bound to get interesting.
                                                                                                                                                                                                       For better or worse – tonight you will behold the Vikings of new.

And if the 2010 season so far is any indication, at the very least, it will be the most talked about story in sports.